Raising Boys in a Time of War

I wrote the following a couple of years ago, but I've decided to repost it because as we've added yet another little boy to our family, the war in Afghanistan has ratcheted up again, innocent civilians are losing their lives, American troops continue to spill their precious blood, and the cost of the wars has now topped 1 trillion dollars:

I grew up in a military family, so I feel a great deal of loyalty to the military. The military men and women I have known are among the highest caliber people you will ever meet in your life. Chief among them is my father, who is a retired Air Force officer. He is a loyal, smart, and dedicated man. I was so proud of him at his retirement ceremony when I heard of his achievements and the admiration his colleagues and superiors had for him. It is from this place that my loyalty springs.

I am against our current war in Iraq, but I am not a pacifist. I believe very strongly in the right to bear arms and in the necessity of defending our families and our freedoms when necessary. Many say that is what we are doing in Iraq. I disagree. When we first went in to Iraq, I did think the goal of installing a democracy was honorable, but misguided. Being somewhat familiar with the tumultuous history of Iraq and the fact that Great Britain had failed to install a democracy in Iraq, I wondered why we thought we would succeed. But this post isn't really about military strategery. It is about being a mother of four boys in a time of war. My oldest is only 10, but at the present time I am not confident that we will see peace in the near future.

My trepidation and fear grows as the war comes closer to home for me. A few years ago, a friend's husband died in Iraq. He left behind a two year old daughter. Just a couple of weeks ago, my brother found out that a childhood friend of his had died in Iraq. He was only 31 and left behind five children. He was the oldest of 12 children and seeing a picture of his mother being handed her oldest son's flag was devastating. Then I think back through history to all of the mothers who have lost boys (and in more recent history girls) to the cruelty of war. My great grandmother lost her youngest son, "Dicky" in the Korean War. She gave permission for him to enlist at only 17 because she knew he would find a way to get in on the action no matter what. It is said that the entire "French Island" where they lived heard her scream when she received the news of her son's death. It is with reverence that I recall these sacrifices, but I gently and humbly ask that all of us think more critically and demand more accountability from our politicians in this dangerous and uncertain time.

I found the following passage in an article at Lew Rockwell attributed to Major General Smedley Darlington Butler, a highly decorated and controversial General who died right before the U.S. got into World War II:

"Now – you mothers, particularly. The only way you can resist all this war hysteria and beating tomtoms is by hanging onto the love you bear your boys. When you listen to some well-worded, well-delivered speech, just remember that it's nothing but sound. It's your boy that matters. And no amount of sound can make up to you for the loss of your boy. After you've heard one of those speeches and your blood's all hot and you want to bite somebody like Hitler – go upstairs to where your boy's asleep. . . . Look at him. Put your hand on that spot on the back of his neck. The place you used to love to kiss when he was a baby. Just rub it a little. You won't wake him up, he knows it's just you. Just look at his strong, fine young body because only the best boys are chosen for war. Look at this splendid young creature who's part of yourself, then close your eyes for a moment and I'll tell you what can happen . . .

Somewhere – five thousand miles from home. Night. Darkness. Cold. A drizzling rain. The noise is terrific. All Hell has broken loose. A star shell burst in the air. Its unearthly flare lights up the muddy field. There's a lot of tangled rusty barbed wires out there and a boy hanging over them – his stomach ripped out, and he's feebly calling for help and water. His lips are white and drawn. He's in agony.

There's your boy. The same boy who's lying in bed tonight. The same boy who trusts you. . . . Are you going to run out on him? Are you going to let someone beat a drum or blow a bugle and make him chase after it? Thank God, this is a democracy and by your voice and your vote you can save your boy. (from a 1939 broadcast) "

I must be crazy.

I'm revisiting this blog again, 6 months later. I'm really going to get this blog going, really I am. Yes, I'm usually busy running our business and having babies (added boy #5 since I last posted!), but of course I have time to keep up with a blog. And start a Catholic school. Yup, I keep thinking about it. I wonder if that means something. When I was surfing the web, just for the fun of it, and thinking about starting a Catholic school, I found the National Association of Private Catholic and Independent Schools and an interesting blog post prompting parents to Start Your Own Catholic School. I must be crazy.

Catholic Education

I've wanted to write a blog for a long time. I did start a politically oriented blog, but I only wrote one post because I decided that I wanted to write about a variety of things. One of the things that has been hanging me up about starting a new blog is that I've wanted a fantastic opening post. I still don't have one, so I thought I'd just bite the bullet and start writing about what is on my mind. I was reading a thread on a Catholic website about Catholic education some thoughts came to mind, so here it is...

The gist of the thread was that Catholic education has become too expensive for larger families and it is hard to find orthodox Catholic schools. Yup and yup. My oldest went to a Catholic grade school last year and it was definitely better than the public school he is going to this year, but the tuition was too expensive (I don't think we would have ever been able to afford to send all of our kids there) and I don't feel that they were doing a bang up job of really teaching the faith.

While my oldest is in public school (for reasons I won't go into here), I don't think I will ever put any of my other kids into public schools. My first choice for my children's education would be an academically excellent, orthodox, affordable Catholic school. We don't have a Catholic school in our little valley, so the oldest is in public school and we are homeschooling the younger ones. I think I would always choose homeschooling for the younger grades but would prefer to have a Catholic school available by the time 4th or 5th grade rolls around. Which leads me to daydream... our parish is raising money to build a church (we currently meet in a community center) and there is an option in the plans for the church to have a school. So, if I were involved in starting a new school, what would I want as a Catholic parent?

Academically excellent. I've noticed that most Catholic schools use the same pedagogy as the public schools. Pardon my being blunt. But modern educational methods and materials suck. Have you ever looked at curriculum or read children's books from the nineteenth or early twentieth century? Children were learning in second grade what our current tenth graders are studying. So what would an academically excellent Catholic school look like? Well, there is a Catholic school outside of Albuquerque that I would have been very interested in had we stayed there. They "provide an Ignatian education, with a classical curriculum". You can find other Catholic schools thinking outside the modern box, but I believe they are the exception, not the rule.

Orthodox. I guess we need a definition here. How about "sound or correct in opinion or doctrine, esp. theological or religious doctrine." I'd like to see an emphasis on the sacraments, going to mass and confession, and sacramentals, such as the rosary. I'd like to see a deep Catholic culture and teachers who really live and know their faith and are passionate about passing it on to their students. Families are an ingredient as important as the teachers because with respect to orthodoxy the families are the primary educators. The Church document Declaration on Christian Education states, "since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most serious obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators." The schools need to reinforce what is taught at home and provide an authentic Catholic community.

Affordable. This might be the hardest obstacle to overcome given the shortage in vocations and our current political climate. We don't have enough priests and religious to meet the basic sacramental and spiritual needs of the faithful, let alone educate our children. Another reason is the onerous tax burden on the average American family. According to the Tax Foundation, "Tax Freedom Day" in 2009 came on April 13th. That means that a family worked until April 12th to pay all of their share of federal, state and local taxes and fees. Particularly with regard to taxes and education, does it make sense for the federal government to confiscate tax dollars and then dole money out to the states who then dole money out to localities? This is a violation of the principle of subsidiarity. Education should be local and I would argue completely private. This would make education vastly more affordable and would make parents and communities responsible for the quality of education. In a completely private system, charity would take care of the children whose families could not afford education costs.